I lost someone close to me this weekend. Susan Spitz was my first girlfriend, we grew up in Raleigh and met at our church youth group. We dated in high school and for awhile after. She was beautiful, a champion volleyball player, a music fan, smart as a whip, and always down for adventure. I was crazy about her. We stayed close ever after. There would be pauses, sometimes for months and months, then we would get each other on the phone and spend hours. A few years ago she had a bad accident, and her arm was paralyzed. She lived with a serious, debilitating, phantom pain that could not be treated due to the nature of the injury to her spinal cord. She was so tough. When we visited she would try to hide it, or brush it away if you asked.
I made these pictures one day in January 2003, when she came down to visit me in Greensboro. We stomped around in a park in town, had dinner, caught up and enjoyed that familiarity you feel with someone that knows you so well. It was a little while before the accident, and she was studying to be a massage therapist. It was a good couple of days.
Susan took her life on Friday evening. Her brother Bill called and let me know. She left behind her dog Emma and her longtime boyfriend Drew. I know both of them are missing her intensely. Her dad too. The pain she was living with became too much. I think it was impossible for some of us that knew her to really get how much she was suffering. We thought we had an idea of it, but no. We would talk about it, and I would insist there had to be some kind of solution, as if she wasn’t spending all her time trying to find one herself. She saw doctors and psychiatrists for years, but no one could solve the pain. Sometimes we exhaust people trying to fix things that can’t be fixed.
I am not sure how to miss her yet. I fear that I will figure it out. She was one of the great ones, and the things she had to live with were not fair, and they were more than just about anyone could bear. I loved her so deeply, for so long. Like a lot of folks, I always will.
Beautiful photos and beautiful words for a beautiful woman. Thank you for putting this up.
Vic your words and these pictures mean so much at a time of grieving. I know one Christmas we had pictures on the beach for mom and dad the Christmas before her accident. It is so good to see her happy and without pain here. Hard to believe the accident was nine years ago. Thanks so much for taking the time to put these pictures on your blog. Your line “sometimes we exhaust those where there is no fix” rings true to me. I know in so many ways she just wanted people to treat her normally and look past the pain. Even though for her the pain was normal and consistent. I also know she is close to all of us even now.
This is such a beautiful and touching tribute.
Thank you for sharing her with us, Vic. Much love to you and all who are missing her.
This is beautiful Vic. My thoughts are with you and her loved ones.
Truer words can’t be spoken. Susan was amazing and brilliant. Thank you Vic for these great photos and the kindest of words.
These are great pictures, Vic! Susan loved you dearly.
Vic, once again it was a somber yet also special moment to speak with you the other day and I thank you so much for sharing these photographic glimpses into her life. I know Susan meant a lot to you and that her passing has touched you deeply. It is my hope that you and all who were touched by her life can carry on with the fond memories we have of her and be thankful that, in spite of our deep loss, that she is no longer suffering in constant pain. Your photos here help us to recall a special young woman, sister, girlfriend, and friend. Thank you again! John Mayes
Thanks for this. This certainly brings back memories from long long ago. It’s too bad that it takes a sad event like this to bring them back. I had no idea that she was going through so much. It had been a long time since we had been in contact.
Vic, I’m terribly sorry to hear about Susan’s passing. She was a great person and always seemed to have a smile on her face. Your photographs of her are truly exceptional and your words about her mean a great deal. Thanks and all the best to you.
These photos are exactly how I remember her. Susan is one of those people you don’t forget. And so are you, Vic. Thinking about all you guys.
I had no idea, Vic. I’m so sorry to hear about Susan. I always liked her so much.
vic, sending you so much love right now.
your life was made infinitely better by having known susan.
she’s all around you in the sun and the trees and the wind that touches your face.
“the half life of love is forever”
Vic, this is such a touching reflection about Susan. May peace be with you and Susan’s family.
I remember Susan as one of the kindest people I’ve known. I’m so sorry to hear of her accident and years of pain afterwards, and her loss. Thank you for this tribute to her life. Even though I haven’t seen her in more than two decades, I am missing her. My thoughts are with you and her family.
Vic, thank u for opening my eyes.
Thank you for this beautiful tribute to Susan. I had no idea. Thinking of you and all who loved her.
I just found out about Susan’s passing 30 minutes ago. She was a creative wonderful fun-loving person who touched my life and the lives of so many others. Amazing photographs